The Kingdom of Loathing

Posted on by Josh Wilson
The Kingdom of Loathing

The once peaceful kingdom of Loathing is under threat from the Naughty Sorceress. After having the King ‘imprismed’ up in his tower, her monsters are running around the kingdom causing chaos and only you can save everyone! ‘Imprismed?’ you ask? She’s put him in a prism that’s floating in the sky, obviously!

The Kingdom of Loathing (KoL) is a text-based online role-playing game on a grand scale, that is played inside your internet browser and acts is a parody of other RPGs that take themselves a bit too seriously. The game is currently in open beta stage as more content is added on an almost daily basis.

To start your adventure you first need to pick a class. There are 6 to choose from, with each class being more in touch with a certain skill than others. Turtle Tamers and Seal Clubbers rely on muscle to beat their opponents down. Pastamancers and Saucerors prefer their mysticality skill, casting magic spells of noodles and hot sauces to tangle up their foes, whereas Disco Bandits and Accordion Thieves use their moxie to charm the ladies and sneak up on their rivals. Once you’ve picked your class it’s off to the Toot Oriale atop the big mountains to find out exactly what it is you need to do.

There are 13 main quests to complete to get to the end of the game, each one being just a little bit more ridiculous than the last. It’s understandable that you might become stuck while playing them and luckily other members may be willing to help you along in the games chatrooms. Be warned though, asking for spoilers is generally frowned upon and it is known for help to come only in haiku form. Your reward for finishing a quest is usually a useable item that will come in handy, but sometimes can be a seemingly useless item such as a handful of confetti. Along with the 13 main quests there are some side quests to play as well.

Throughout your journey in KoL you’ll come across a string of bizarre monsters that you’ll need to beat up for stats, items and meat, the games currency. Typical fights are played out by using a drop down menu to choose which skill to use against the opponent, with more skills being available to buy as you reach higher levels. There are weapons to collect such as the balloon sword and Kkob goblin spatula, as well as wearable items to help you defend yourself. You can also get yourself a pet to fight alongside you.

There’s no sound and all the graphics are hand drawn, with most monsters being stick figures. There is a large amount of comedic content, and the intentionally crude graphics just add to the novelty that is KoL. It’s a great way to take up any extra time you have on your hands, although as it works on a turn based system there’s only so much you can do per day!


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